I clung to the edge of the cliff for what felt like 4 hours. Reality set in and I realized it was only 4 minutes; 240 seconds. Who was I kidding. I deserved to be here, stranded, alone and dangling from a cliff. How had I let all my relationships slip away? How had I become such a bastard?

My hands were numb and my throat coarse from yelling for help. I was so far away from civilization, I doubt even the animals below knew I existed. I looked back up at where my hands were, grasping to anything that provided support.

I wanted to cry but couldn't. I kept replaying the past two days over and over: the things I'd said to Rebecca, the way I'd treated my mother on the phone, the horrible devious plot I had executed against Roger. This was karma, kids. It was all happening to me fair and square. I didn't even feel like trying to bargain with God. I knew that if he did let me out of this mess, I wasn't going to hold up my part of the deal. I'm just like that. At least I'm honest.

Instead of crying, I just started laughing. I laughed until my sides hurt and I was certain that my hands would just let go and let me fall. I was ready for it. In my head, the choir from The Ugly Organ was repeating the phrase "the worst is over..." over and over. I knew it was true. I knew that I had come to grips with what I'd done. There was no turning the clock back, no final "I'm sorry"s and no more goodbyes. This was it. My day of reckoning was upon me.

© J. Bernhard

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